Bill Bailey transcription

BB: this is where the joke enters the realm (.) of Jeffery Chaucer. (.) thank you (0.5) three fellows wenten into a pub. (1) and (.) gleefully their hands did rub (.) in expectation of revelry? (.) for it is the hour that is happy? (1) great bottels of wine did they quaff and had a really good laugh (0.5) til drunkenness held full dominion (.) for it was two for the price of one? (3) yet after wine and mead and sack (.) man must have a massive snack (1) great pasties from cornwall (.) scottish eggs round like a ball (1) great hams (.) duck and geese (.) they sucked the bones and drank the grease (.) one fellow stood all pale and wan (.) for he was a vegetarian (3) yet man knoweth that gluttony stoketh the fire of letury (.) upon three young wenches round and sly (.) the fellows cast a wanten eye (.) one did approach with a drunken wink (.) [changes voice tone] elo darlin do ya fancy a drink? (.) [back to voice] soon they caught them on their knee? (.) twas like some grisly puppetry? (.) such was the ludeness and debauchery (.) twas like a sketch by dick emery (2.5) except that dick emery is not yet born so such comparison (.) may not be drawn (5) then (.) the fellows began to pale (.) for quail are not the friend of ale (.) and in their bellies much confusion (.) fro their throats vile extrusion [repeats hand gesture of throwing up] (1) stinking foul corruption came spewing forth (.) from drooling lips that feted stench did fill the pub (.) twas the very arse of Beelzebub (2) thrown they were from horn and trumpet (.) in the street no coin no strumpet (.) homeward bound they must quickly go (.) to that then the donkey stole (.) their hands all with vomit greased (.) the donkey (.) was not pleased (2) and threw them into a ditch of shite (.) they all agreed [changes voice] what a brilliant night.