Mock the Week transcript #1 (S12E02)
Dara: the (.) first
subject is (1) unlikely things to hear on radio
Andy: you’re listening
to radio you tree (.) the cream of the 1970’s (.) broadcasting live (.) from
pentonville
Hugh: this is jazz FM
(.) you’re listening (.) by mistake
Chris: this is the
breakfast news (.) the prime minister had porridge (.) the home secretary had muesli
Miles: my piles are
giving me so much bloody gri (.) ra no (.) you are listening to (.) smooth FM
Andy: this is the
Somali shipping forecast [shouts] don’t go out there
Hugh: this is magic FM
pick a frequency any frequency
Chris: hahahahaha (2)
hahaha
Nathan: f9 (.) hit (.)
a2 (.) miss (.) c3 (.) hit (.) that (.) was the battleshipping forecast
Gary: you’re listening
to radio three (1) anyone (.) anyone (.) anyone (.) bueler (.) bueler
Andy: on talk radio
today (.) we’ve been discussing what a tosser nick clegg is (1) and now on the
line we’ve got david (.) from central London
Hugh: that was god is
dead by black Sabbath you’re listening (.) to Vatican radio
Nathan: and at number
one this week (.) jedward (.) proving that teenage girls (.) cannot be trusted
with money
Chris: well I’m with
the eye in the sky (.) with the travel report (.) I’ve waited twenty years (.)
to file this particular report (.) if I look down I can see (.) red lorry
yellow lorry red lorry yellow
Hugh: don’t touch that
dial (.) I’m defrosting a pie
Gary: next up on radio
one (.) nick rimshaw (.) he’s not very good but he’s only twenty eight so he
definitely didn’t get up to anything in the 1970’s
Chris: next (.) ed
miliband lays down his policies in (.) I’m sorry I haven’t a clue
Andy: and now 9.) ten
PM on radio four (.) and before the news (.) here’s five minutes of free porn
Mock the Week transcript #2 (S12E03)
Dara: now (.) we come
to scene’s we’d like to see (.) so if everybody could make their way (.) over
to the performance area (1) I’ll read out this week’s topics (.) and then we’ll
see what our panellists can come up with (1) ok here we go (1) the first subject
is (1) things you wouldn’t here on a fitness DVD
Hugh: ok (.) let’s get
you sweating in your own living room (.) I know (.) you’re an illegal immigrant
Gary: today we’re
going to work on our three problem areas (.) that’s bums (.) tums (.) and Afghanistan
Andy: do you want rock
hard buns (1) then you need to get to greggs about five o’clock in the
afternoon
Chris: really stretch
it out (.) come on really stretch it out you’re nearly there (.) can you feel
the burn (.) can you (.) good (.) okay (.) now you’ve got your leotard on we
can do the exercises
Josh: so that’s three
minutes in (.) and it’s time to wave good bye (.) to our American viewers
Hugh: hi (.) I’m niel
mcferson (.) and welcome (.) to wankercise
Holly: hello and welcome
to get thin on heroin
Chris: I got rid (.)
of all the extra weight I had when I was pregnant (.) just by (.) leaving him
on a stranger’s door step
Hugh: if you find
weights (.) really boring (.) do what I do (1) don’t wait
Josh: now I find
squats very important (.) because I can’t afford to pay my own rent
Andy: are you still
too big to fit into that dress (.) don’t worry about it (.) just go to leeds
(.) the women there don’t seem to give a shit
Chris: now I can
completely fit in to the bikini (.) course sometimes my cock flops out
Holly: hello (.) and
welcome to pilates at home (.) all the fun of pilates (.) without the
embarrassment of farting in a church hall
Andy: hello (.) and
welcome to dara o’briain’s bunga bunga work out
Chris: what is it (.)
what is it
